Thoughts about working your butt off

Spending my time here, I’ve had some troubles having all this time to… “kill”. Hay! you say, that’s not a problem, that’s luxury. Well. Let’s just say that I’m used to work, and hard work to say the least. I used to love my work because I made a difference to the patients I gave care to. I was actually proud of my profession when I graduated (even if so many random people just looked at me with a big question mark on their face, wondering why the heck she actually wants to deal with urine).

As a nurse working at a hospital ward taking care of cancer patients is a tricky business, mostly because I took everything home with me. I planned next coming day in my head. Thinking about the day that have passed, constantly debating with my head what I could have made better. Did I say the right things? Etc. Oh, the mental burden. I was such an awesome nurse to be honest – the patients had trust in me, I was getting along with everybody I worked with. Patients specifically asked for me when they re-visited the ward for a check up. I was even asked to take an education to become a head nurse. Thrive to have a career, probably earning the double pay that I had as a regular nurse. I was involved in projects regarding learning patients to cope with their new stoma, I got prescription rights… I had things going my way.

One day I just sat there, looking in the computer for several minutes. A fellow co-worker came up to me asking how I was doing, and I burst into tears. I had tons of things to do, room 1 was going to surgery, Miss Dementia fell down the bed again (the IV is out, must put a new one in so she doesn’t die from dehydration) must remember to write an accident report on that. Mr T just threw up again and wants analgesics and something for the nausea, room 6:2 is going home and is wondering about that medication the doctor just prescribed. I remember that the recent weekend shift was shitty – a colleague called in sick so we had to work even harder. A doctor then calls to put another patient in the ward, even though I explained to him that we had enough to do as it is. He still sent the patient up. I fucking freaked. Sitting staring at the computer, that scenario played in my head over and over…

Of course I crashed.
And nothing has changed. Every year reports show that nurses in Sweden has a terrible working environment. They are underpaid, overworked and underestimated. Sadly, people don’t know the strength of a nurse before they meet one in a fragile part of their life. Meanwhile, the entire health staff are told to work even harder, more effective. No one is getting hurt by this, the politicians say. And eventually every single nurse is joining the path of fatigue syndrome. I ended my situation before I got to that path.

I always said that if I start to cry at work, I will quit that job. And I held my word, one week after that I quit and started a new job focusing on health instead of disease. Day job instead of working shifts. But that experience also made me realize that I need to discover something else in my life.

So, yes. I have some trouble not having a work to go to every day. This is therapy for me in a way that only I understand. And I have actually learned to like it.

Love to ya’ll <3

/svenska

Svensk sjukvård suger, det har jag fått erfara efter att nästan gått in i den välkända väggen för sisådär tre år sedan. Fy fan va jag jobbade. Så att inte jobba nu, det är en omställning, och en jobbig sådan. Men jag börjar gilla det för nu kan jag njuta av livet på ett helt annat sätt.

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